Used
by Panthershadow
Summary: When Bella is bitten in the ballet studio, the Cullens arrive too late to stop the change. But once Bella awakens to her new life, she begins to realize that the Culln lifestyle isn't for her and that Edward doesn't seem as lovely as he once was. On Hiatus.
1. Prolouge

Title: **Blood On My Hands**  
Category: Books » Twilight  
Author: Panthershadow  
Language: English, Rating: Rated: K+  
Genre: Tragedy/ Hut/Comfort  
Published: 07-10-09, Updated: 09-26-09  
Chapters: 13, Words: 7,623

Prolouge:

The burning, aching, thirst;

It was unbelievable.

The scent was over powering.

My body craved for it to soothe the burn.

My mind, animalistic, craved it too.

I knew I would not regret this.

Feel no remorse.

I knew my family wouldn't approve.

But I needed it.

Nothing could be wrong with this,

With what I am doing,

And will do.

Something's can't be controlled.

Things like me.

And as my teeth pierce my prey's flesh,

The burn is soothed.

Ahhhh, sweet blood.

Purely human.

I hope I will be glad of this choice.


	2. Burning

Chapter One: Burning

The pain was mind numbing and all I could grasp. I had to be dying; no one could go through so much pain and survive. It was impossible. Had James finally killed me? Was my family safe? Did Edward stay away? How was I even stupid enough to believe Renee was here? Oh no, this would kill her! And Charlie! What was he going to do now that I'm gone? Would he survive too?

Another spasm of pain racked my body, causing me to scream. _Okay, now I know I'm alive. The dead can't scream, right?_

"Carlisle, what are my options?" said an angelic voice.

"Nothing; the venom flows in her blood freely." _Carlisle was here?_

"No. I promised I would keep her safe." The Angel growled.

_Edward!_

"You did all you could son."

_My family was here!! Did that mean James was dead?_

"We have to take her somewhere, so she can change without being discovered."

"There _is_ nowhere to take her." He insisted.

"We'll take her to Renee's," said a high voice, "She won't be home for four more days."

_Alice?_

"Emmet, Jasper, burn the place down!! And the monster along with it!"

All of the sudden the pain was in my chest and I couldn't contain my screams.

"The venom has reached her heart." Said Alice sadly," And she doesn't even know what's happening."

"Let's get her out of here."

I couldn't hear anything after that; my screams were too loud.

* * *

The next time I was aware of my surroundings was when the pain was starting to fade. At first it was cooling in my fingertips, then my hand, until my arms and legs were free from pain. The bad news was that a new pain had come; a dry, aching burn in my throat. And the more the pain left, the more my throat burned. Then my heart started to hammer and race._ What was happening? Was a finally dying? Was that why I no longer felt pain, I was dying?!_

"Edward, it's all most over!" Called a voice. _Alice?_

"I know. I heard her heart speed up." Edward said in a hollow tone.

"Her heart is about to stop. Please try not to be such a grouch when she wakes up." Said Alice

I felt my heart speed up even more, the fire now burning the only feul left. My heart's effort was futile. It gave one last thump then remained silent. I held my breath, adjusting to the lack of pain. Then i opened my eyes and gazed up in wonder.


	3. Future

**AN: okay, for this to work i made it so Alice never told Bella how to become a vampire, so she has no clue how this happened, nor does she really remember it.**

Everything was sharper; more defined than ever before.

"Bella?" said a voice

I turned to the source of the sound. my head moved so faced, it was dizzying. After the dizziness wore off, I saw who had said my name. Edward.

"Bella?" He asked hesitantly.

I just stared, speechless. he was more beautiful then I had remembered. His face was flawless. I could see every detail in his face.

"Bella, can you hear me?"

I nodded, still star struck.

"What... happened?" I whispered.

His face fell, as if it caused him pain to hear my voice.

"You're a vampire."

"H-h-how?"

"James." He growled." He bit me."

_Bit me? What the hell? Was this real? Was Edward being serious. _

"Yes." Said Edward.

"Yes to what? I didn't say anything." I said.

"Think something then."

_How freaking cliché was this? I mean, he bit me?!_

"Yes he did. So, your mind is finally open to me. That will help later on."

"What do you mean?" I said.

"Edward, Stop it!" said Alice

This was a different Edward. A darker, and less polite Edward. I was majorly confused.

"What's going on?" I demanded.

"Edward, I'm going to explain somethings to Edward. You need to leave." said Alice.

I flashed her a quick look of thanks.

Edward sighed," Alright. i need to clear my head anyway."

he stood and gracefully left the room. Alice turned to me, a sad look on her face.

"I've seen whats going to happen over the next year. I don't hate you for your choice. I just wish things were differently then they will." She shook her head sadly.

"What do you mean Alice?" I said hesitantly.

She looked directly at me, and her voice took on an ominous tone," The first blood you taste will rule your life. You will have no desire to control your thirst, and you will be happy with that. But not everyone will achieve your happiness remember: You must go through Hell to get to Heaven. Love will betray you, be lost, than found again in the end. You will live a happy life, then return to where it all began." Alice turned and left the room.

"What the hell?" I whispered.


	4. Answers

**Okay, so to help out some: When Bella became she lost her ability to keep Edward out of her mind. She has a new power now. You dont really find out till the sequel. And Alice had a vision about Bellas future, and Edward didnt like that futre, hence the pissy Eddiekins. lol **

Recap:

_She looked directly at me, and her voice took on an ominous tone," The first blood you taste will rule your life. You will have no desire to control your thirst, and you will be happy with that. But not everyone will achieve your happiness remember: You must go through Hell to get to Heaven. Love will betray you, be lost, than found again in the end. You will live a happy life, then return to where it all began." Alice turned and left the room._

_"What the hell?" I whispered_.

Chapter 4 Answers

I stood there for a moment, trying to understand what Alice had just told me. 'The first blood you taste will rule your life'. So...... if I drank human blood first, I wouldn't be able to become a vegitarian vampire? And I would be happy??? _Strange as it sounds, but the idea doesn't sound too bad_.

Suddenly the door slammed open and Edward stood there, a dark look on his face.

"No." he growled.

_Huh?_ "No what?." I said.

_Wait……Crap! I forgot he could read my mind! _

" No," he half growled, " You are going hunting now. And you will not kill or touch a human."

Edward grabbed my hands, looking his finger around my wrists tightly.

"No, Edward, let go!" I yelled.

_What was wrong with this scenario? Edward had always been so gentle and kind. Never once had he harmed me. What happened to the vampire I fell in love with?_

"Edward stop it!" called Alice, running to my aid.

"This does not concern you, _Alice_." He snarled.

"it does when my families future is at stake." She growled.

They stared at each other for a moment, until Edward let out a hiss.

He turned to me, " Monster."

I went wide eyed, _I hadn't even killed anyone and I was already a monster? WHAT THE HELL?!!_

"Edward," Alice said softly, "let me take her, I will make sure everything goes according to plan."

"Whose plan" he scoffed, " Mine, or your's?"

"How about mine?" I said sarcastically.

Alice turned to me, " Your not helping the situation, Bella."

"How about Jasper comes with us? He could help me, Edward." I said softly. I put every ounce of hope i had in my body. I didn't want Edward to be upset over me.

"Fine." He said bleakly. "Take her Alice, and make sure you stick to _my _plan."

"Of course." She nodded, "Jazzy?" She said.

Jasper appeared at the door instantly, " Yes, sweet heart?

"Me and you are going to take Bella out for her first hunt."

"Make sure she stays in control." Added Edward.

He nodded, " Of course, little brother."

Alice and Jasper nodded at Edward and led me down the hall. It was then that I realized that I was in Renee's house in Phoenix. I had no time to ask a question because someone had opened the door. And the moment it eas open , a delicious, mouth-watering sent hit me. So strong that my throat became an open flame; my mind was gone. I was focusing on the smell that was so tempting that it could only be human.

I couldn't stop myself. I ran out the door, det on finding the source and draining it dry. Alice was right, The first blood would rule my life. Right now, it was the center of it.

Once I found the source, I was instant feeding. The sweet, warm blood flowed into my mouth and I was in heaven; complete and total bliss.

_What would Edward say when he saw this?_

* * *

**Okay, So how was that? Not bad for a few monthes break. Please Review. I havent got any in ages. Hundreds of hit, but 19 reviews. Sad.**

**lol So updating soon**

**Panthershadow**


	5. Powers and Fights

**i had been forgetting to say my Disclaimer. Opps.**

**Disclaimer: Roses are red, Viloets are blue, Some Disclaimer rhyme and this is one of them. All belongs to S.M**

_Recap:_

_I couldn't stop myself. I ran out the door, set on finding the source and draining it dry. Alice was right, The first blood would rule my life. Right now, it was the center of it._

_Once I found the source, I was instant feeding. The sweet, warm blood flowed into my mouth and I was in heaven; complete and total bliss._

_What would Edward say when he saw this?_

Chapter 5

I couldn't stop, Didn't want to. But before the flow ended, I heard someone approach. That is when i realized something: I was drinking human blood. I instantly froze, haulting my this wrong? I knew the Cullens were adverse to this, did that mean I had to be?

"Bella!" Bellowed a voice from behind.

The instinct to protect my kill went into over drive. I crouched low, hissing and snarling at Edward.

"Edward, don't. She is a newborn protecting her prey. Don't get close."

_Listen to Jasper, Edward_ I thought, almost lunging at him.

"Mine." I snarled.

He took another step towards me.

Another growl. My vision took on a red tint, my thoughts were getting hazy. All I felt was the need to protect my kill. _It was mine._

"Edward." Jasper warned.

The minute he took another step i raised my hand to stop him.

"Stop!" I shouted.

He did, but not in the way I expected. He was hovering three feet off the ground, unable to move any closer. He continued to struggle, trying to break free. Then it clicked. I was doing it. Somehow, I had lifted and held Edward three feet in the air. What the Fuck?! I dropped my hand in Shock. Instantly Edward feel to the groumd. Landing right on his ass.

" I said to leave her alone. " Said Jasper.

Edward's look of shock changed to that of disgust.

"Not only are you a monster, but a monster freak?"

I snarled, instantly attacking. I flew at him, faster than thought possible, pinning him to the ground.

"Who are you calling a Monster Freak?" I spat, " Who is the one who has taken ten years worth of lives? Who was the one that can read minds?"

He let out a feral growl.

"Exactly." I said smugly.

He struggled futilely against my grasp. I was stronger than him.

"How does it feel, to be the week one now?" I taunted.

"Bella," came a soft voice.

I turned to see Alice, making a hesitant approach to me.

"Let me guess, let him go?" I said, my voice dripping with sarcasm.

"Please?" She said with a laugh.

I rose to my feet carefully.

A sigh of relief came from Jasper.

"Better Jasper?"I said.

He laughed, " You have no idea, Bells."

All was calm, except for Edward.

All that was said was one phrase. "I wish you never moved to Forks."

i lost control of my anger and lauched myself at him, with one purpose, _kill._

**So, any thoughts? Well, review me with them or any questions. Oh, ShatteredAndLostInHerOwnWorld, I did not kill renee or phill, I would newver. I just killed a random starnger. lol. So, untill next time, my readers, I bid you fairwell.**

**panthershadow**

**p.s._ please read and review my story Runaway Love, I will be updating that soon also._**


	6. Desperate Measures

**Long time no see huh? well things have been majorly hectic for me lately. My Girlfriend and I have been fighting a lot and there has been a lot of family drama because my parents wont deal with the fact that i am a lesbian. Anyway...... the reason Edward and Bella are very OCC is because I got tired of the whole " Bella is innocent and has perfect control and Edward is perfect, kind, and loves Bella no matter what" Everyone puts these two on a very high pedestal and so i decided to tear that down. Thus this story was born. Oh, another thing. i need a Beta, is anyone willing to valunteer?**

Recap:

_A sigh of relief came from Jasper._

_"Better Jasper?"I said._

_He laughed, " You have no idea, Bells."_

_All was calm, except for Edward._

_All that was said was one phrase. "I wish you never moved to Forks."_

_I lost control of my anger and lauched myself at him, with one purpose, kill._

* * *

Chapter 6: Desperate Measures

"Let me go Emmet!" I shrieked, struggling against is iron clad hold.

Emmet stayed silent against my please, still as stone.

"Bella, you need to calm down." Soothed Jasper, "Emmet is just trying to help you; you lost control."

"Em, let her go. She isn't going to do anything, she is just panicking." said Alice.

Emmet loosened his grip, allowing me to break free. I shook my head, trying to go over what had just happened in my head. I had attacked Edward, I had almost killed him when Alice, Emmet, and Jasper came to his rescue. _I wish I had killed him. He had earned that fate._But of course I would get the opportunity, his family were all vampires, all much more experienced at dealing with newborns.

"Emmmet, Jasper; Go check on Edward. I need to talk to Bella for a little while." Said Alice.

The two men nodded and disapeared into the house. Alice turned back to face me.

"I'm so sorry, Bella, but you need to leave here."

I froze. "What do you mean Alice?"

"If you stay, Edward will die, and then so will you. Bella, you need to leave before that happens." She pleaded.

I had to leave? But they were my family. How woud I live without them.

"Alice, I can't, I won't be able to control myself. What will I do?" I said.

"There is a coven in Italy called the Volturi; they can take you in, teach you the skills you need. You can be happy there."

"Happy? But Alice, will I ever see you again?" I said.

"Of course you will Bella, how could we not? We have an eternity on this Earth after all." She laughed, the sound of bells.

I simled and pulled her close to embrace her.

"I allready purchased you a ticket to Florence. You need to leave now, the sun wont rise for another two hourse. Run there and don't look back. Call me when you land, okay Bella?" She lloked into my eyes, looking for an answer.

"I will, I promise." I clutched her to me again. " Oh Alice, I am going to miss you so much."

"I wiill check in on you next year and see how well you are doing." She pulled away. " Okay?"

I nodded.

"Now go, quickly." She handed me a bag. "This has your ticket and some emergency cash."

I took the b ag from her and pulled it onto my shoulder.

She pushed me away from her. "Go!"

I felt a tear fall down my face and wiped it away with my finger; it was a venom tear. "Good Bye." I said before turning and running the other direction

Behind me I heard her call something."Good bye Isabella Swan. My sister."

_Sister._

I kept running, leaving my past behind me. My family, my first love, and my old life.

* * *

**Before you ask, no this is not the end. We still have a few more chapters before i post the sequel. i hope you enjoy my short update, but please review. I love the favorites and alerts but a review would be very nice.**

**Sincerely,**

**Panthershadow**


	7. Welcome

**Hi, it's been awhile, hasn't it? I've been a bit busy. I got an offer from Little Brown publishing for one of my novels and have been busy trying to get them to agree to publish me. So far they won't due to my age. Being 15 causes legal drama they don't want. So I have decided to come back on here and right a bit. If you want to read it, just go to my homepage. Link is on my profile.**

_Recap: _

_Behind me I heard her call something."Good bye Isabella Swan. My sister."_

_Sister._

_I kept running, leaving my past behind me. My family, my first love, and my old life._

Chapter 8:

_What am I doing here?_

_"_Aro will see you now." said the male guard curtly.

Once I had reached the city limits of Volterra a member of the Volturi guard had confronted. Once I gave him the short version of what happened, he had decided that I should see the Ancients. Apparently, they knew Carlisle well, and the fact that I was once a part of his family was of great interest to them. I had shuddered at the thought of Carlisle. Though the man had been like a father to me, He never put a stop to Edwards's actions, and betrayed my trust.

I nodded to the vampire and walked through the great door. Inside sat three vampires, surrounded by a few guard members. A white hair Ancient stood, walking towards me.

"Ahh, Isabella! It is wonderful to see a member of dear Carlisle's coven. Tell me, how fairs he?" he said exuberantly.

"Well, sir. Had he known I was to come here, he would have sent his greetings." I said through clenched teeth.

"Excellent. Now, tell me young one, what brings you to our fine city?"

"I have come for Sanctuary." I said.

Aro raised his eyebrows, "Sanctuary?"

"I awoke to this life only two days ago. My life was in danger with the Cullen, and with the help of a friend, I managed to escape."

"With the Cullens? Are you sure, dear one?"

I nodded stiffly, "I was not supposed to be turned, sir. I was supposed to remain human."

"Continue." Aro said.

"Edward, a member of Carlisle's coven, and I fell in love. I was a human at the time, and had discovered his secret. The day he introduced me to his family, James saw me. He was a tracker and my blood was appealing to me. Edward sent me to Phoenix, but James still found me and bit me. When I woke up from the fire, Edward was different. Alice, his sister, explained why; she saw a vision of me killing him. She told me the first blood I would taste would rule my life. That I would be happy and feel no regret in my choice. I guess Edward heard her say it because ever since I killed the human I have been on the run. Alice and her mate helped me get here."

"I see." He nodded. " So Alice and her mate have caused none of this?"

I shook my head, "No. They helped me get here."

"I guess we shall be placing a house call to Carlisle and his family. In the meantime, you have a place here, among my guard."

"I do?" I asked, hope filling my voice.

"Of course. Perhaps you will have a skill that may be of use to our guard."

"Thank you, sir." I sighed.

"Please, call me Aro." he smiled fondly.

"Aro." I smiled.

"Santiago!" Aro called, " Come take young Isabella to her chambers. She must be in need of some peace."

A vampire stepped from the shadows of the chamber and walked up to me.

"Hello." I breathed.

He was dark haired, and his skin was a shade darker than the others in the room. Hi eyes, though red, held kindness.

"Hello Isabella." He spoke with a beautiful Spanish accent.

"Will you care to join us for dinner tonight, dear one?" Asked Aro, smiling.

"I would be honored." I said sincerely.

"Excellent. I think we all shall enjoy the company."

"Come." Santiago said softly, leading me from the room.

I followed obediently, eager to talk with this new vampire.

"Have you given a thought to what you shall do after Aro goes to see these 'Cullens'?"

Yes, I think I shall stay here." I looked at his face to see his reaction.

He had a smile on his beautiful face.

"That sounds wonderful. But what if the Cullens are dubbed innocent?"

I shivered, "I hope I may still be allowed to stay, If at all possible."

"I think I would enjoy the company, should you choose to stay." He laughed, "Things here tend to get dull."

He was a very subtle flirt.

"I would think so. Not being able to go out in the day time really restricts your time."

"Well, I think I found something that may take up most of my time."

I looked away shyly.

Santiago stopped us at the end of the hall, a doo next to him.

"This will be you room from now on, I hope you find it to your liking Isabella."

"I think I will, Santiago. Thank you for the company." I smiled at him, before opening the door.

"Anything for you, _ragazza__ dolce_." he said before disappearing.


	8. Changed

"Bella, Aro and the council have called for you." said a voice from the hallway.

I turned and opened the door, smiling; I knew that voice.

"Your future changed." grinned the tiny vampire.

"Alice!" I cried.

I launched myself at her, crushing her in a hug.

"I missed you too, Bella." she laughed.

" I can't believe you're here!"

"Did you really think I would sit back and just wait for you to make a desicion. When I saw a change in the future, Jazz and I booked a plane."

"My future changed?" I stopped myself in my tracks.

"For the better. Now the four of us shall live a happy existance." she said cheerfully.

"The four of us?"

She rolled her eyes, " Brlla, I am not blind. Your future changed the minute you met _him_."

_Him? Did she mean Santiago?_

"Santiago. That's his name right?" She feigned cluelessness.

"Yes it is." I nodded.

Were these small feelings building in my heart the beginings of love? I had only just left Edward, wasn't this a bit soon.

"Have no worries about Edward. This is your future, not his."

I laughed," Are you sure you can't read minds Alice?"

She released a bell like laugh, " Oh Bella. Still the same I see."

She linked her arm in mine, walking with me down the hall. "Now, whats that I heard about joining Aro tonight..."

* * *

**Very short, i know. i have majorly stryed from my original path, so a lot of this is purely improvised. Hopefully the next chapter will go into more length, detail, and More sweet Bella/Santiago moments. And, we shall learn of Edwards fate.**


	9. the Ask and the Answer

Chapter 10: The Ask and the Answer

"Bella, may I have a word with you?"

I turned to see who spoke. Santiago.

"Of course." I said shyly, following him from the chamber.

"So, the Mind Reader was not so kind to you?" He said carefully.

"While I was human he was. He was very courteously; A gentleman really. But I think when I became a vampire, the thing he hated most, he was heartbroken."

"And this 'Edward', was he your mate?"

I gasped, embarassment flooding though me, " Oh, no. It was never like that."

"Iapologize for being so outright, but the question was on my mind since you arrived."

"I understand. With him, I always wanted more; and he, less. So we never really discussed that aspect of our relationship."

Santiago nodded, as if deep in thought.

"And, now that you have left him, what are your feelings towards him?"

"They are...confusing." I spoke carefully, "I care for him, but it is not as strong as it was when I was human."

"I can understand that. When we become vampires, our emotions intensify. So, if your feelings did not, perhaps they were as strong as they were ever meant to be."

I nodded slowly, " And now that I am here, I can feel my emotions towards him slipping away. Like they were never there."

"Isabella, you speak wisely for one so young." Santiago spoke, his accent becoming more pronounced.

I laughed," Well, my mom always did say I was born middle aged."

He chuckled deeply, "We all have our quirks."

Santiago paused for a moment, " Forgive me for asking, but may I join you in your chambers this evening. I would enjoy continuing our conversation at a later time."

"I don't mind at all. Thank you for asking."

"You are very welcome Isabella. Untill tonight, _ragazza__ dolce."_


End file.
